December 9 Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?
The biggest challenge for me this year is of course becoming a wife. It's been wonderful, it's been difficult, it's been a lot of changes. I feel like I'm fully an adult now (not to mean that I've lost all my childish sense of wonder though).
Since this question focuses on the challenging part, I'm going to be a negative nelly and focus on the difficulties, not the beautiful parts of marriage. M and I, since we finally live together and must share the same space, have fought more than we ever have. We rarely seriously fought before; literally, maybe once a year or so. But now, there's more things to fight about. Where to put something, schedules, who should have what responsibility around the house. The biggest issue with this is that frankly, we're not very good at it. More than once one of us has given the other the silent treatment. Doors have been slammed, people have left...I'm not used to it, and it's ugly, and it stinks. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart, only to feel all is right again as soon as one of us apologizes, either by words or by giving affection. We're figuring it out; the anger dissipates a lot faster than it did earlier. But I'm pretty nonconfrontational, and it's really hard for me when I'm angry and don't feel like I can talk to M about it, or when he's clearly upset and won't tell me why. I know we need to fight sometimes, but it seems like half the time we don't even remember why the fight started. It's been a major learning experience.
Additionally, I'm no longer making decisions that only affect me. And his actions no longer affect only him. Before I run up a credit card bill, I have to remember he's responsible for it now too. It directly affects me whether or not he pays the power bill on time (especially since the utilities are in my name, but he's the one with the money!) It's frustrating when I need him to do something, and he won't. I'm sure he feels the same way about me, when I do things differently than he wants them done. We've both spent so long on our own, that we're pretty set in our ways, and it's hard sometimes to meld our habits together. There have been times where we've both felt that we do all the work and the other person is a lazy bum. We're making efforts now to acknowledge what the other does, even if it's just a little thing, like saying "thanks" when he walks my dogs or him telling me that it makes his life so easier when I make dinner when he's tired after work.
That's where the second part of the daily question comes in I guess, the growth and being the "best" challenge. I've had other challenges this year that sucked, that didn't make me grow, ie right now healing from surgery just plain sucks. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but I'm plenty strong enough now, thanks. So even though these growing pains with M hurt and suck, we are learning, and trying to be better for one another. We're growing into a new area as a couple, and the feelings when we make breakthroughs, when he thanks me for getting something done, well, those are the best.
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