"The first year is the hardest"

I think having gone from a long distance couple to a married couple living together is much more difficult than it would have been if we lived together before or at least in the same town. Things we do that annoy the other person now happen every day, instead of a couple days a month. The house is both of ours, so we both have opinions as to how things should work, where things should go, etc, where before whoever was visiting just respected the "rules" of the other, since it was that person's place.

we're still trying to figure out who pays what - we treat bills we already has as individual bills, butu I also pay the medical bills I'm accumulating, which is difficult without a job. M still hasn't finished moving out of his old place, and the first mortgage payment is due next month, so I guess we'll be paying for two places when money is already tight, not to mention two power bills, the cable is still on over there, yada yada. We also treat the dogs as really belonging to one person, and thus making one person responsible for vet bills. Buck is overdue for his shots and exam, and Loki (M's) has a mass on his ribcage that really ought to be checked out. There's a lot of stress.

We're both kind of irritable right now, M because he's stressed (but then, he always is) and me because I'm physically in pain and feeling kind of neglected and frustrated. So we grate on each other, making us more irritable, in a vicious cycle. A friend of mine got married a few weeks after me to his live-in girl, and marriage has been a breeze for them despite economic stress. They sorted out all the little daily details of who does what, how bills get paid, visions for the future and whatnot while they were living together before marriage. I guess that's why I'm seeing a difference with us and thinking that nto having that opportunity before is making things more stressful.

I don't want to be Negative Nelly. I love M with all my heart and there's a lot of great things about our life together. It's just not the fairy tale I expected to have as soon as we walked down the aisle, and I guess that's my fault for having unrealistic expectations about it.

M's dad is popping in late tomorrow night before we head to the brother-in-law's for turkey day. It's nice to have him around; I get a little isolated here sometimes. And he'll help a lot with things that need to be done, which there's still a lot of. We still have blinds and curtains to hang, shower rods to put up, and I'm always willing to accept help with cleaning. He really wants to use the time wisely, which can be a little stressful when I can't keep going going going all day like he can. But I enjoy being around him, and in a couple days I get to see the rest of the in laws and spend time with my little nephews, who are 1 and 5. Then my folks are driving down for Christmas. Plus, our birthdays are both about a week after Thanksgiving, and M's mom wants to come for that. We've got a busy month ahead with a lot of guests and time with relatives, many of whom we haven't seen since the wedding in June.

I check back in with my surgeon tomorrow. I think I'm healing pretty well, but I've still got a long road ahead, even in the best of circumstances. I'm getting used to doing what I have to do to care for the wound (which I wasn't sure I'd be able to do, and M is pretty sure that he couldn't, so I'd be kind of screwed). I guess that's just how I operate, I find strength I didn't know I had when I need it. I like to think I'm stoic and independent, but I know I'm really not. I require frequent hugs.