Best of 09 - Day 29

  
    
  
 December 29 Laugh. What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?

Mine was recent. M and I were getting ready for bed, and he threw his clothes on top of the ginormous pile already on the bedside table (yeah, I dont know whats so hard about using the hamper, either...). The pile fell on the floor, already overloaded. He just made this face, then we both started laughing. I couldn't stop for the longest time, fueled by his reaction to the situation and then his reaction to me. Really, his clothes falling wasn't that damn funny, but everything surrounding it was.

Best of 09 - Day 27

  
    
  
 December 27 Social web moment. Did you meet someone you used to only know from her blog? Did you discover Twitter?

I did discover Twitter this year! For a long time, I said "tweets are for twits", but gradually I've found it to be a good way to get timely news (and find out where the speed traps are every day!). I've also made some friends there; most of my Twitter friends are not also FB friends, so I'm kind of talking to different crowds when I post to either. I've met one good person from Twitter offline, and eventually I'll get around to going to some of the functions I hear about there.

Best of 09 - Day 25

  
    
   December 25 Gift. What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?
Another philosophical answer seems to be coming. I think the best thing I've given myself all year is forgiveness. Forgiveness for failing half the bar exam, forgiveness for not being able to find a job, forgiveness for my shortcomings as a wife, forgiveness for things I don't like about my body. Just generally giving myself permission to fall flat on my face.

I've also given myself permission to forgive others. Forgive people who have hurt me, forgive M when he upsets me, forgive the dogs for having an "on purpose" all over the kitchen, forgive my mother for not being the person she could have chosen to be, even if I don't understand it and it still pains me.

Forgiveness shouldn't be confused with laziness - "oh so you didn't accomplish anything today? that's cool, whatever." It's saying "you were tired today, and you didn't do as much as you would have liked. But you'll do it tomorrow, and the world will still keep turning". It's saying that its ok to be imperfect, to screw up royally, even hurt people sometimes, but you keep trying to be better.

Best of 09 - Day 24

  
    
  
 December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

I keep wanting to apologize for writing about the wedding and being married and M all the time...but then, the blog IS called Learning to Live Together for a reason, right? My experience adjusting is the primary point, right? Right?

I think the biggest lesson I've learned, then, is that marriage is work. I don't know why that surprised me; I've seen that my dad and stepmom's marriage isn't all butterflies and unicorns. I mean, I knew that people say it's work, but I guess despite being able to repeat "marriage takes work" I didn't really buy in to it. I admit I had a bit of a romantic notion that love alone would be enough (well, love, and M having a job that pays the bills...). And the ugly, disappointing truth is that it's not.

Things get boring. And it takes work to try to do things to counteract that (see: M's birthday, earlier this month). Anyone you live with, especially when you share all your spaces (as opposed to a roommate) is going to do things that annoy you, and it's work to keep your irritation in check, and to discuss rationally the things you need to. Hell, it's "work" to bring yourself to say "I'm sorry" first. And sometimes, to take an "I'm sorry" when you're really angry and want to wallow in it a little bit longer. It's work just to maintain a household. The cleaning, the bills, agreeing on what goes where...it's all just not as easy as saying "I love you", moving in, and living happily ever after.

Sometimes it takes "work" - a conscious effort - to make sure there's times and activities where you can have fun together, where you can bond, where you can break up the monotony that so easily sets in when you're tired and stressed. It's a concerted effort to make sure you say "thank you" to let the other person know you appreciate the nice, helpful little things they do (like walking all the dogs, or doing the dishes, or taking out the trash). It's easy to start to feel like you're the one that does everythi8ng around the house or pays all the bills and like you're not appreciated. So it's really nice to hear it, and at a basic level, being told something is appreciated is the best positive reinforcement to get someone to do something again.

It's work to fight, its work to make up, I even say it's work to have fun! sheesh. But there's rewards for all that work, and that's why we do it.

Best of 09 - Day 22

  
    
  
 December 22 Startup. What's a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?

I'm going to go with Canvas On Demand (www.canvasondemand.com). They take your photos and turn them into gorgeous canvases. I got one for free for doing vendor reviews on weddingwire.com, and then I got another at a major discount, I forget why. So, we have two gorgeous black and white canvases of wedding photos. They also sent us gift cards that we can give to friends or stack together to get another nice canvas for a ridiculously low price! The turn around was quick and the quality was high; I would definetely recommend them. 

Best of 09 - Day 21

  
    
  
 December 21 Project. What did you start this year that you're proud of?

Other than a marriage?
I think I'm most proud of myself for attempting the bar exam. I managed to stack the deck against myself - being in another state while studying which meant not being able to attend the review course and using an ipod instead, having a wedding and honeymoon during key study time, looking for a house, at one point looking for a sublet in Tallahassee so I could study in Fl and be near M, and packing up to move. I didn't pass the Florida-specific portion of the bar (luck of the draw, I got my worst areas of law. But I did pass the multistate exam. So I only have to take half of it whenever I can afford to try again (looking like next July...assuming I find a job before then). Delaying taking it til Feburary might have been the smarter option with everything I had going on, but I'm still proud of myself for taking it on and doing my best.

Best of 09 - Day 20

  
    
  
 December 20 New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

Woohoo, a VERY easy one. The best people that came into my life were David and Gina P. I don't know how we would have made the transition from me living in Alabama to this house in Florida without them. We're truly lucky to have become friends with them!

David works with M, I don't actually know how long. I first met him, I think, when we were dropping M's dogs off at their house to stay during the honeymoon. They have 4 dogs of their own and usually have some fosters, so they didn't blink an eye at absorbing two more dogs for a week.

David came to Alabama to help M load up the Uhaul with my stuff. We ended up being there all weekend because we couldn't get the truck completely loaded on Saturday as planned (it's hard to do that in 95 degree weather with craaaazy humidity). So he drove 6 hours on Friday after work, using his car, loaded Saturday and Sunday, then drove 6 hours Sunday. Sunday or Monday night, the boys unloaded the truck into David and Gina's garage. We didn't think the stuff woul dbe there too long...but it ended up being from early August to early October! They never once complained. They took care of my fish. And they offered to take Buck and Judy on until we had a house (M's place was too cramped for 4 dogs) so they wouldnt have to be boarded for an extended period. With their dogs, my dogs, and 2 fosters, they had 8 dogs!

The closest they ever came to complaining was after Judy busted the door to the office during a storm, I think. While there, Judy ran away twice and the dogs locked themselves in the office once. Plus, Judy was having a dominance contest with one of the fosters, causing fights. But they wouldn't let me board Judy.

To top it off, David helped M last weekend to try to finally get him moved out of his apartment.

Yeah, I'd say they qualify as unsung heroes!

Best of 09 - Day 19

  
    
  
 December 19 Car ride. What did you see? How did it smell? Did you eat anything as you drove there? Who were you with?

The best car ride (van, technically) was the 2.5 hour ride from the Montego Bay airport to Ocho Rios, Jamaica. There were all these gorgeous hills everywhere, with the wonderful architecture in the buildings. We spent the ride trying to figure out why the houses looked either incomplete or damaged. We passed all these little stores and jerk stands too small to eat inside.

If you've ever been to Jamaica, you know that people there drive like absolute loonies. So much worse than New Jersey, NYC, or even Maryland drivers. It's really a little bit scary. So that was an experience in and of itself.

It got dark during the trip, so after a point, all we could really see were the lit up stores/eateries. But before that, we saw cops pulling over a vehicle with ak-47s. We saw the tourist areas lit up and beckoning. Not entirely unlike home, I guess, but the feeling was different than most places I've been.

Of course, the best part of the trip was the anticipation of beginning our honeymoon, and having a week to relax and just enjoy one another without stressing out about everyday life!

Best of 09 - Day 18

  
    
  
 December 18 Shop. Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

This question tends to imply spending repeatedly at one place to make a large amount, not so much spending a lot at once, which is probably more the case for me. I'd say the house (duh), but none of that actually came out of my pocket. Then I'd say medical bills (I've spent $800 since Aug 15 out of pocket, plus medications), but that's not really shopping. I guess then the bar exam and bar review courses don't really count either.

I guess my final answer is Barnes & Noble. Tuscaloosa finally got one relatively recently, maybe last year? I've bought presents there, and of course, books for myself. Plus my phase of buying every bridal magazine I could get my hands on, even though my wedding was pretty much already planned, just to keep the excitement going. So I've probably spent a pretty good amount there. I much prefer B&N to any other bookstore I've been to. Unfortunately, the only one here in Tally is kinda far from our house, and Borders is muuuuch closer, so I guess books in the future are going to have to come from Borders or the internet. Phooey!

Best of 09 - Day 17

  
    
  
 December 17 Word or phrase. A word that encapsulates your year. "2009 was _____."

Changes, with a close runner up of insane. As you already know, this year involved graduating law school, getting married, living far apart with my husband, moving from Alabama back to Florida to my husband's overcrowded apartment, then buying a house, moving again, adding his 2 dogs to mine, and being unemployed and not in school for the first time in three years (I was either in school or interning during the summer in law school, so this is really the first time I'm at home all day).

I think  changes and insane are pretty good words for this year, no?

Best of 09 - Day 16

  
    
   December 16 Tea of the year. I can taste my favorite tea right now. What's yours?

Another very un-special question. Oh well. My favorite tea this year isnt a new one for me, but an "old" favorite. I love Arizona Stress Rx tea. It's yummy, and it does make me feel good to drink. I dont know if its because of actual soothing ingredients or just a taste that makes you feel good, but either way...I like it!

Best of 09 - day 15

  
    
  
  December 15 Best packaging. Did your headphones come in a sweet case? See a bottle of tea in another country that stood off the shelves?


Really? Packaging? My Taco Hell...awesome packaging!
Mkay, seriously...uh....I apologize to anyone who may have given me something in an awesome package that is currently slipping my mind. But really, I can't think of anything that was in any sort of special package. PASS! Sorry for clogging up your feeds with such drivel!

Best of 09 - Day 14

  
    
  
  December 14 Rush. When did you get your best rush of the year?
I'm gonna be honest, even if it makes me sound like a broken record sometimes doing Best of 09.

My biggest rush this year is absolutely that moment when I lined up with my wedding party, next to my dad, about to walk down the aisle.

  At that moment, everything was clear, everything was beautiful, and there were no doubts, no worries. Not worrying about whether the programs and bubbles were where they were supposed to be, who was standing where, where the car was going to pick us up and drop us off. Just thinking about how happy I was to be headings towards M, and how much I wanted to see him (having sequestered myself as tradition dictated the night before...when I barely slept at all in a gorgeous hotel room, alone). I was full of adrenaline, but I didn't feel nauseated or headachy from it. Afterwards, as we walked into the reception, I was shaking like a leaf as the adrenaline wore out.


But right then, everything in my world was perfect.

Best of 09 - Day 13

  
    
  


December 13 What's the best change you made to the place you live?

I don't know why I can't turn off italics, sorry. I moved twice this year - from my rented house in Alabama to M's apartment, which was...awful. The apartment just had too much stuff in it, and was frankly miserable to live in. Then, we moved from the apartment to our own home. That move is really the best change, but I'm going to treat this question as referring to the place I live now. 


We've done a lot to this house, obviously. Putting in furniture, bringing in our belongings, our momentos. Getting the directv hooked up. But I guess the BEST is the wall at the front of the house, next to the front door. There's a little entryway. When you come in, you immediately face the fish tank (just retrieved from our friend's home) and the sign that has our last name and date of marriage, a gift from my middle school best friend. On your right, on the wall as you come in, are our pictures. There's pictures from our wedding, our engagement photos, some of the dogs. I just put together more frames to have pictures of our families, our nephews and niece, the people that are important to us. There's two canvases from Canvas on Demand of pictures from our wedding that we got for a steal. It makes this house a home, I think.

Best of 09 - Day 12

 
  
    
  
 

December 12 New food. You're now in love with Lebanese food and you didn't even know what it was in January of this year.
Actually, that's kind of right. This year is the first time I went to Sahara here in town, which is more or less a mix of Lebanese and Greek, with a new friend, Chuck (@Poonther for you twitterers) and his hubby. M and I have tried to go before, but only when it was closed. Sometimes I get major cravings for Greek salads and/or hummus, both of which can be obtained at Sahara. A week or so later, I got M to take me there. Both times I had the shawarma chicken, which I've never had before, and am now obsessed with. Yuuuuummy. A bit pricey for us right now at dinner, but a good quality and quantity of food. Mmmm I need some shawarma chicken now...

There's also 1 Fresh. It's a local Tally stir-fry chain. It's yuuuuummy. Nice and healthy, though a little pricey. I like to get the beef on white rice, with water chestnuts and ginger sauce. So delicious. I'm kind of obsessed with it, really.

Best of 09 - Day 11

December 11 The best place. A coffee shop? A pub? A retreat center? A cubicle? A nook?

The best place is, of course, our new house! I've written about it before (don't remember when, but I don't have so many posts that you can't easily scroll through and find it if you're interested). It's not the best place simply because it's ours, though that is a major plus. The house itself is truly cool. Here's the overview:
-on a decent sized lake
-far enough away from the city to be nice and quiet
-almost an acre (part of which is water, and part of which a neighbor has fenced us out of...but we still have a huge useable lot)
-laminate floors, which doesn't hold doggie fur, puke, pee, or poop, and which the dogs slide all over, which is hilaaaarious
-the bathroom with the blue floor looks great with the stuff we got off our wedding registry

Best of 09 - Day 10

  
    
  


December 10 Album of the year. What's rocking your world?
I've picked up several new albums this year, a good chunk of which make for great in-car singing. There's two that stand out for me: Lady Antebellum's self-title disc, and Matt Nathanson.

Lady Antebellum is a new country (popish though) trio. There's song on the disc that make me think of my mother; written for a lover, but the sentiment can be applied to our situation. Most of the CD is perfectly within my vocal range, and a blast to sing. The songs are catchy without lacking substance.

Matt Nathanson is a singer-songwriter with several singles this year. His songs are largely somewhat mellancholy, sometimes cryptic, but the choruses get stuck in my head. Certain songs nearly make me cry. He's a great artist that I'm glad I gave a chance to this year.

Best of 09 - Day 9

 
  
    
  
 

December 9 Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?
The biggest challenge for me this year is of course becoming a wife. It's been wonderful, it's been difficult, it's been a lot of changes. I feel like I'm fully an adult now (not to mean that I've lost all my childish sense of wonder though).

Since this question focuses on the challenging part, I'm going to be a negative nelly and focus on the difficulties, not the beautiful parts of marriage. M and I, since we finally live together and must share the same space, have fought more than we ever have. We rarely seriously fought before; literally, maybe once a year or so. But now, there's more things to fight about. Where to put something, schedules, who should have what responsibility around the house. The biggest issue with this is that frankly, we're not very good at it. More than once one of us has given the other the silent treatment. Doors have been slammed, people have left...I'm not used to it, and it's ugly, and it stinks. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart, only to feel all is right again as soon as one of us apologizes, either by words or by giving affection. We're figuring it out; the anger dissipates a lot faster than it did earlier. But I'm pretty nonconfrontational, and it's really hard for me when I'm angry and don't feel like I can talk to M about it, or when he's clearly upset and won't tell me why. I know we need to fight sometimes, but it seems like half the time we don't even remember why the fight started. It's been a major learning experience.

Additionally, I'm no longer making decisions that only affect me. And his actions no longer affect only him. Before I run up a credit card bill, I have to remember he's responsible for it now too. It directly affects me whether or not he pays the power bill on time (especially since the utilities are in my name, but he's the one with the money!) It's frustrating when I need him to do something, and he won't. I'm sure he feels the same way about me, when I do things differently than he wants them done. We've both spent so long on our own, that we're pretty set in our ways, and it's hard sometimes to meld our habits together. There have been times where we've both felt that we do all the work and the other person is a lazy bum. We're making efforts now to acknowledge what the other does, even if it's just a little thing, like saying "thanks" when he walks my dogs or him telling me that it makes his life so easier when I make dinner when he's tired after work.

That's where the second part of the daily question comes in I guess, the growth and being the "best" challenge. I've had other challenges this year that sucked, that didn't make me grow, ie right now healing from surgery just plain sucks. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but I'm plenty strong enough now, thanks. So even though these growing pains with M hurt and suck, we are learning, and trying to be better for one another. We're growing into a new area as a couple, and the feelings when we make breakthroughs, when he thanks me for getting something done, well, those are the best.

Best of 09 - Day 8

 
  
    
  
 

December 8 Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

Finally an easy one! My peace, my heaven, comes when I lay in my hammock in the sun, with my babies  running and playing around me, or laying in the sun with me. The sun on my face feels wonderful, and it's always fun to watch my dogs wrestle, or watch them relax in their own little heavenly way. It's a time when I can just let all my stresses go, and be in the moment. Or, contemplate something that's been bothering me in a more distanced way. I'll usually bring out my mp3 player, and maybe a magazine.

A certain amount of sun, of course, is good for mood and health and circadian rhythms. Being in the south, it doesn't take long for laying int he sun to become uncomfortably hot, so I usually dont lay out too long. But while I'm out there, nothing is wrong.

Best of 09 - Day 7

  
    
  


December 7 Blog find of the year. That gem of a blog you can't believe you didn't know about until this year.http://miss-kriss.blogspot.com/
One of my favorite blogs, new to me, is Kristin at Miss Kriss . She's a law school classmate of mine. We were more acquaintances than friends, though she was always nice when we crossed paths. She's really funny and her posts are full of pretty pictures. Everyone loves that, right?